So, a little catch up for any new readers.

I am Becki, i have five amazing children and i am disabled. There are, of course, plenty of other facts about me but these are the most pertinent for this moment.
 I had another blog (Pelvis, Interrupted) my first ever, but i never managed to get into the feel of what i had made for myself. So, after a particularly turbulent time in my life i have decided to leave my caterpillar blog and move on to a new place, which i hope will become my butterfly blog (if you'll forgive the clumsy nature reference).

My youngest child, John, is now 13 months old. He is crawling, trying out speech and days away from his first proper steps. During my pregnancy with John i suffered (though never officially diagnosed) with DSP (the more severe form of SPD). By 12 weeks i could barely stand, and yet somehow i carried on. I couldn't accept what was going on, the horrid pain or my increasing dependence on my husband. By the time John was born i couldn't lie to myself any longer, i needed help and i needed pain relief.

John, attempting escape.

Over the following 13 months very little has changed for me physically. I am getting around a little more, but that is simply through sheer stubborn stupidity. My pain is constant and sanity defying. I am on a cocktail of pain killers but still the pain is often enough to have me heaving and in tears. I live on the sofa as i cannot make it up the stairs.
 People have a lot of trouble understanding my pain and the mobility difficulties that have arisen from the damage to my pelvis. To try and give you an idea of just how loose the relaxin made me, my shoulders are still loose now, as are my knees, ankles and neck. The main areas of injury though were my pelvis and my back. The doctors are at a loss to explain to me what is going on but i think ive managed to figure it out. I think my loose pelvis did something to my back, it makes sense if you think about it.
 I had an MRI and the doctor that read the results was insistent that i have "an old injury" to my spine. I've never had a back problem before so all i can think is that he misunderstood the scan somehow.

It's all academic anyway, as whatever the doctors say, whatever anybody says, i'm still in pain. I still can't bear my own weight, i still cannot sleep for the pain, cannot do what i need to get done.

And now, i am single again.

And it is hard.

These are my experiences.